Far be it for a simple fisherman like myself to dabble into the realm of movie reviews, but we’ve just had such an extraordinary movie experience that I am compelled to do something about it. Whilst on the Sunshine Coast we went to see The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. We had high expectations after the engaging and highly entertaining experience that was the original Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

There’s only one word that can describe The Hobbit: extremely terrible. Please, don’t watch it. I’m going to write a letter to the movie studio and ask for my money back. The movie is a scam.

Drawn out and boring on a scale never seen before, I was never entertained or engaged whilst watching The Hobbit. And to make it worse, it’s full of nauseating cheese as if the director was some amateur who had just read a book on how to make a blockbuster drama for idiots. Cut to dramatic facial closeup. Cut to another dramatic facial closeup. Cue the uplifting choir music. Cut to another facial closeup where the actor isn’t sure whether he’s supposed to be conveying an emotion or whether he’s just waiting for the movie to pass. The rotting cheese was universally pervasive throughout the movie. I believe I would have actually vomited had I not been almost asleep.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is a scam that delivers one movie’s worth of content for the price of three. Actually less than one movie’s worth of content. You’ll regret wasting your life watching this movie. Don’t get ripped off.